Carissa.
I see my daily world in slices. A slice when I wake up and see the innocent day, a slice of time being around others, a slice of fresh air, and a slice when I am able to reflect. I am defined by what I am able to learn from others and myself. My goals are apart from myself and for those others not able to dream. I am a dreamer and live to carry on this light soul I was given.
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Aug 12th, 09
[HD]
(via dirtylittlestylewhore) I will be fine. This last month as been a soul searching journey that I did not sign up for.  I have found myself with a college education and no means to anything worthy right now.  I have spent the last four-maybe five-years of my life applying myself to gain this degree. All in hopes to continue graduate school.  This is the only thought i had had-this is all having to be done to get into grad. school-to finish my program to make some money.  I have now found myself with this degree-no grad. school and thoughts about whether or not this is ultimately what I want to do in my big scheme of things.  My mind is so full of of thoughts about what I want to do-how I dont know what I want to do-How I can make things work.  In the end the big deal is having some $$$.  The thought of this lightweight overproduced product controling my thoughts is going to cause me to live in my damn car. I have not been in such a financial bind since I was living in my first house in college, trying to decide whats more important to buy-ciggs or food.  And ciggs always won. I am applying for jobs currently-and am finding myself applying and looking at jobs because of the amt of money I can capitalize on.  This is exactly how I dont want to be living my life.  But because I chose the route of higher education I am forever bound to loans for a degree I thought I cared so much about. I know that the degree I chose is one in which I would be successful at given the opprotunity, but damn the man. I want to enjoy my job.  my life. my thoughts. Happiness is the way, the only way to live.  Im so frustrated with where I am in my life-but also need to know that I can take this as a positive or negative experience. Either way-this a chapter of my life that I will never forget. Props to my muffin last night for giving me a much needed reality check.  As were talking and I’m complaining about not having any money-hating my job-being fed up with grad. school-he says I should-but don’t have to-apply for 2-3 jobs this week.  Love the constructive criticism.  As were laying in his bed I say, “Im so frustrated with where I am right now.” He says,”Its so nice in here right now, very relaxing.” to that I reply, “It really is wonderful right now.” He proceeds to say, “Did you just hear yourself, you said its wonderful right now, Goodnight baby.” All of this stated in a candlelit room with the windows open-some of my favorite feelings arise.  So happy that I have someone to reality check me-I am in a wonderful spot-I am very happy. I need to take this time-allllll thiiiissss Tiiiimmmmeee-I have and enjoy it and consider it a gift to figure out what makes me happy-what im so passionate about. And what my big plan.is.gonna.look.like.

(via dirtylittlestylewhore)

I will be fine.

This last month as been a soul searching journey that I did not sign up for.  I have found myself with a college education and no means to anything worthy right now.  I have spent the last four-maybe five-years of my life applying myself to gain this degree. All in hopes to continue graduate school.  This is the only thought i had had-this is all having to be done to get into grad. school-to finish my program to make some money.  I have now found myself with this degree-no grad. school and thoughts about whether or not this is ultimately what I want to do in my big scheme of things. 

My mind is so full of of thoughts about what I want to do-how I dont know what I want to do-How I can make things work.  In the end the big deal is having some $$$.  The thought of this lightweight overproduced product controling my thoughts is going to cause me to live in my damn car.

I have not been in such a financial bind since I was living in my first house in college, trying to decide whats more important to buy-ciggs or food.  And ciggs always won.

I am applying for jobs currently-and am finding myself applying and looking at jobs because of the amt of money I can capitalize on.  This is exactly how I dont want to be living my life.  But because I chose the route of higher education I am forever bound to loans for a degree I thought I cared so much about.

I know that the degree I chose is one in which I would be successful at given the opprotunity, but damn the man. I want to enjoy my job.  my life. my thoughts.

Happiness is the way, the only way to live. 

Im so frustrated with where I am in my life-but also need to know that I can take this as a positive or negative experience. Either way-this a chapter of my life that I will never forget.

Props to my muffin last night for giving me a much needed reality check.  As were talking and I’m complaining about not having any money-hating my job-being fed up with grad. school-he says I should-but don’t have to-apply for 2-3 jobs this week.  Love the constructive criticism. 

As were laying in his bed I say, “Im so frustrated with where I am right now.”

He says,”Its so nice in here right now, very relaxing.” to that I reply, “It really is wonderful right now.” He proceeds to say, “Did you just hear yourself, you said its wonderful right now, Goodnight baby.”

All of this stated in a candlelit room with the windows open-some of my favorite feelings arise. 

So happy that I have someone to reality check me-I am in a wonderful spot-I am very happy.

I need to take this time-allllll thiiiissss Tiiiimmmmeee-I have and enjoy it and consider it a gift to figure out what makes me happy-what im so passionate about.

And what my big plan.is.gonna.look.like.

Notes

∞  8:48 pm, by cnohr


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